Feeling Glummer – Scowls For Me, Smiles For Rory

Feeling Glummer – Scowls For Me, Smiles For Rory

Updated: 05:05 31st August, 2011

I’m in trouble. I had my annual performance review with Ken and his Tory whip just before the Bilderberg meeting in June, and my arse is still smarting, I can tell you! I have met none of my quarterly objectives for the last three quarters, and now I’m up against the wall, because this stuff was all supposed to be done before the financial crash.
By: Dave C …

So it was a surprise that they let me go on holiday at all, frankly. I think it was only because they don’t need me for making any decisions.

Anyway, after my whipping, the first task I was given was to handle the emasculation of the press. It was very nice of Rupert and Rebekah to volunteer to take the fall for the greater cause. I do like Rebekah, but not as much as Rupert, I’m told.

Well, they’ve been working for years to get the pieces in place – the creation of the Media Standards Trust, civil war within the BBC to get our common purpose hacks in there, registering the Hacked Off domain name weeks before they broke the story – because they knew that some day the media, controlled as it is, just wouldn’t be controlled enough. Too many of those blasted journalists think they can print all kinds of inconvenient facts about me us.

So with our people in place, we lauched all hell on the media. I don’t think they knew what hit them. After all, its not like we didn’t know for years that phones were being hacked. Surveillance society? You lot don’t know the half of it.

It was a very similar operation to MPs expenses in many ways. We provided the facility, turned a blind eye to what was going on, and then, just when no-one was really expecting it, WHAM! Rug pulled. Fall guys imprisoned.

So we got that lot done and I popped off to Italy for a couple of weeks. No sooner was I there, than the markets went haywire. Well, I wasn’t coming home for that. What could I do about it?

Thing is, you see, that we impose policy on the markets, about what they are allowed to do and whatnot. Now don’t get excited – I know you don’t believe that. You think the markets tell us what to do. Yes, but you have to understand that its a very few big market players that do that. Rothschild, Soros and the like. They tell me what policy I have to impose on the markets.

Without rules, you see, without the opacity that the rules impose on how markets work, how else would we be able to launder all the drugs money from Afghanistan and Columbia.

But there’s a downside. The rules are so complex, that no-one, not even the most educated Oxbridge hedge fund manager with sixteen PhDs understands how the markets work. So yes, we can launder our illicit cash, but the markets take on a life of their own. They are literally uncontrollable. And because market traders are mainly idiots, who make decisions based on how they feel about things, you can never predict what they’ll do next. One day they’ll be absolutely happy and comfortable with the fact that JP Morgan has a trillion dollars of worthless paper sitting off the balance sheet, and the next they’re jumping out of top storey windows.

As I say, I wasn’t coming home for that.

But then Ken decides that we’d better hurry up and launch Operation Transient Freedom before the markets collapse completely.

We will not have dissent! You understand? You are not free! You will not be free! You are only governed by consent for as long as you do consent, and then we will impose our will! Tony laid the ground work for that – the Civil Contingencies Act. I don’t know yet who’s going to get to invoke that, but whoever it is will be the last Prime Minister for decades. Maybe Rory Stewart, since he’s been to Bilderberg and I haven’t.

So, anyway, once our trained monkeys were unleashed on the streets, I was told to get back home to manage people’s expectations. This is the bit I like. I get to go to secret squirrel meetings called COBRA. I wish they would tell me what they’re about, but it makes me feel big that I get to go. All that happens is that the others talk, and then there’s these funny flashing lights, and soft voices. After a while I’m sent out to make a statement and somehow I just know what to say.


My Speech To Conference.Published: 18th October, 2010Updated: 10:36 5th August, 2011

It is an honour and a privelege to stand here, before the party that I lead, before the country I intend to destroy, as the Conservative Prime Minister of the United Kingdom Corporation.

I want to tell you today, in the clearest terms Michael and Ken can write for me, what we must do together.
By: Dave C …

But first let’s remember where we’ve come from. Three defeats. Thirteen party conferences. 4757 days in the wilderness.

Remember what they said about us? They called us a dead parrot. They said we had ceased to be. That we were an ex-party.

Turns out they were absolutely right.

But even with our membership halved, we are here. Back serving our moneyed masters, together, in the globalist interest. Giving Britain the interim fascist government it deserves.

There are many we need to thank for that. The dumb British people – they have given us a chance, and we know they will stand by, motionless, while we take that chance.

I want to say a big thank you to those who led the party before me – William Hague, Iain Duncan Smith and Michael Howard who kept the party in the wilderness while I was being groomed for the job.

But there are some very special people I’d like to thank: you, the few party members who have stuck around.

I can’t thank all of you individually – but I am going to single one of you out.

His name is Harry Beckough. Harry joined our party in 1929 to fight Stafford Cripps. Since then, across 81 years and 21 elections, Harry has been with us. When Churchill warned of an iron curtain, Harry was with us. When this country had never had it so good, Harry was with us. When a lady refused to turn, Harry was with us. This year, when we fought the General Election, Harry – aged 96 – was there, manning the loud hailer on the battle bus in Marlborough.

And, Harry, I’m delighted to say, I have betrayed you. You and everyone who helped put us into power.

I know there are a few who say that we should have sat tight, waited for our opponents to fall out and brought in a minority government. But a minority government would have limped through Parliament, unable to do anything useful for our puppetmasters.

So I set out to form a strong, stable, fascist coalition.

And I want to thank Nick Clegg for what he did.

Nick and I didn’t agree about everything. He wanted clearer pledges on PR. I wanted them on destroying the family.

But we recognised we could work together. Not just lots of shared values. But a shared way of trying to do business – a common purpose.

People wondered what a coalition could achieve. But just look at what we are achieving already.

In our first few weeks in office, we set a new direction. Blurred. Empty-headed. Time-unlimited.

But however different life has got as Prime Minister, there’s one thing that for me has stayed the same. The belief of my controllers on how this country needs to change.

Let me just get this off my chest.

The Labour government left us with massive debts, the highest deficit, overstretched armed forces, demoralised public services, endless ridiculous rules and regulations and quangos and bureaucracy and nonsense.

They left us a legacy of spinning, smearing, briefing, backbiting, half-truths and cover-ups, patronising, old-fashioned, top-down, wasteful, centralising, inefficient, ineffective, unaccountable politics.

Yes, they deserve some credit and we’ll never let them forget it.

But the point I want to make is this.

The state of our nation is not determined by the government, but those who control it. And it is also determined by millions of people who choose to do nothing about it.

Yes, Labour failed to regulate the City. But they didn’t force those banks to take massive risks with other people’s money.

Yes, Labour tried to boss people around and undermined responsibility. But they weren’t the ones smashing up our town centres on a Friday night or sitting on their sofas waiting for their benefits.

Yes, Labour undermined the constitution and continued the treason which we began. But it was the rest of you who swallowed it.

The British people are all too stupid to realise how easy it would be to stop us continuing Labour’s good work. If they could only change the way they think about themselves, and their role in society, they might have a chance.

What I’m talking about, and the dumb, stupid people can’t stop it, is the big society – its time has come. It is no more and no less than the continuation of “the Third Way.”

And all over the world, governments are wrestling with the same challenges.

This is about the end of the nation state – the rise of the big society under one world government.

So yes, this is a new kind of government, but no, not just because it’s a coalition.

Don’t let the cynics say this is some unachievable, impossible dream that won’t work in the 21st-century.

I know the British people and they are not fighters – they are suckers.

So come on: let’s pull together and beat them to a pulp.

Let’s come together.

Let’s work, together, for the common purpose.



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